There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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