tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
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