____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Randomize
