I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Randomize
