I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
