My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
