Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize