Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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