I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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