I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
