drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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