I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
