man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
