just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
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