Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
she peed on how many people?
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize