I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
