these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
My liver just had a heart attack.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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