Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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