I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize