im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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