ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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