Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
