i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
