Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
