I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
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