how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Randomize
