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• (269): View more from Michigan

  I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them

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• (309): View more from Illinois

  dude do u know what u did last night?

  (1-309): View more from Illinois

  do i wanna know???

  (309): View more from Illinois

  you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...

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• (270): View more from Kentucky

  There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.

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• (508): View more from Massachusetts

  I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.

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• (702): View more from Nevada

  I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer

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• (401): View more from Rhode Island

  Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?

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• (917): View more from New York City

  Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.

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• (716): View more from New York

  Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week

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• (224): View more from Illinois

  We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.

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• (714): View more from California

  She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge

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• (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT

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• (423): View more from Tennessee

  I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.

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• (402): View more from Nebraska

  Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter

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• (913): View more from Kansas

  so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye

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• (214): View more from Texas

  I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.

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