I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
