lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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