Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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