Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
