a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
