Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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