I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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