at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
