we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
