p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
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