I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Randomize
