You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
