I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Randomize
