If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
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