I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Randomize
