She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize
