Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
