Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
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