woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Randomize
