YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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