Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
