He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
