he told me I talked like a deaf person
Reggie can tackle my bush.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
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