matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Randomize
