I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize