I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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