That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
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