YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
