Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
