At least make sure they are 18
Why
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
