I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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