Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Randomize
