she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Randomize