Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
