i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
