Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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