I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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