I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
