We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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