im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize