Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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