is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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