Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
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