Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize