i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
