I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
