highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
