did you get engaged???
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
