Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Randomize
