Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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